A Little Inspiration Goes a Long Way

While driving on the MassPike on my way to work everyday, I see a beautiful lone yellow flower.  The flower has grown on one of the grates on the side of the highway near the fast lane.  The flower is all alone, though I'm unsure of what it is, it is beautiful.  That flower has overcome so many obstacles:  it's all alone, it's on the highway growing in a grate, no one to nurture it, surviving on determination and shear willpower.  And every day it flourishes and looks more beautiful than the last.  

This flower brightens my day every morning.  It gives me inspiration and motivation when I have nothing left. It drives me to continue on this journey and lets me know that, like the flower, I can overcome any obstacle with determination and willpower.

To date I am down 74 pounds.  Most of which I lost due to willpower and ignoring hunger pains. There have been many moments that I have felt like giving up.  I have wanted to go back to my surgeon and tell him to take the band out and give me the bypass, because I am obviously no good at self control.  I've regretted my decision, I've been dark and unmotivated at times.  And I'm sure I will still have those moments, but they're now fewer and farther between.  Having finally reached my "green zone" with my band and given up most carbs (mainly because they get stuck), I feel like I can finally use my tool to it's fullest potential and be successful.  Currently, I am trying to focus on my protein intake and working out.  With my band working, I have reached a point where the obstacles on my journey don't discourage me - they inspire me to try harder.  I am finally living my life to the fullest and looking at this journey knowing I can do this.

Looking at that flower every morning and seeing it's beauty and the obstacles it has overcome, I am more motivated and inspired.  If this beautiful flower can live in such miserable circumstances and thrive - I can do anything too.  

Restriction...FINALLY :)

Well, it's so lovely to finally feel restriction :)  It makes such a difference in both weight loss and my feelings of success.

For those of you that have a big question mark over your head, here's the run down.  I have the lapband which is a purely restrictive procedure (a small band is placed around a portion of my stomach to create a new pouch), as opposed to the bypass which is both a mal-absorbtive (you don't absorb the food into your body the same way as pre-surgery) and a restrictive (your stomach is actually cut down in size).  With the band, you frequently check in with your surgeon to have saline put into your port (a small device placed just under the skin) to to change the restriction of the band.  Until you find your "sweet spot" or "green-zone" (which is restriction-smaller portion sizes and feeling full longer), you're basically doing it on sheer willpower.  With the lapband, you obviously cannot eat what you did pre-surgery due to the already small size of the pouch/stomach, but without restriction you can eat more than you're supposed to.

I'm sure you're wondering what they do to "fill me".  The port sits just under my skin and they insert a needle through my skin and put a few CC's of saline.  It's not painful by any means, just feels a little weird.  The strange part is when they pull the needle out - it feels like a suction cup being pulled off a wall.  So Bizarre.

Anyways, my food intake is down drastically and I'm feeling full longer.  I've cut out most snacks.  And I'm planning my meals better, to try to keep more protein in my diet to keep me full longer.  I have been working on this for the last 4 days or so and I'm down 4 pounds already.  This is very exciting, since I've been gaining a few pounds here and there for the last month or so (which was obviously VERY discouraging).  I'm back on track and working hard at losing.  With a wedding dress fitting just around the corner - it would be nice to drop a few extra pounds.

So, what have I learned in the last few months? Perseverance is very important when you want something, failure is inevitable, perfection is a far fetched idea, support is very important, and a desire for success trumps everything else.  With my lapband working the way it's supposed to, I know that I am able to do this and I have the help I've been waiting for.